Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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