Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I AM VODKA MAN
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
