Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
