You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
