I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
