why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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