you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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