dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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