they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
