The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
