OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
