The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
