it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
