people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
