White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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