The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
