So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
