so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
