As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
