just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
