$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
