He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
