hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
