Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
