I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
