So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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