just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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