I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
