There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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