Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
