Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
