Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize