Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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