M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
