Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
