also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize