The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
