The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He passed out mid-signature
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
whose ass print is on the piano?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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