what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
