the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
