Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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