walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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