So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Rumble strips road head = magical
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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