i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
