And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
