Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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