Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
