So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
