I CAN MOONWALK!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
