drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize