our cab driver is having phone sex.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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