why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
