Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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