I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
not ubering you a puppy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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