I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
