Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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