Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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