If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
