Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
