From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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