I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
