I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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