she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
