You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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