I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
