Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
