so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
