Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
