I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
two words...techno handjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
