it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize