I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
